Posts Tagged "People"


The psychology behind why some people are always late – National

by BBG Hub

Picture this scenario: You’re out to meet a friend for dinner, but they let you know they’re running 10 to 15 minutes late.

Sometimes, it’s a write-off; things can happen. But if you know someone who is chronically late, it can quickly start having an impact on your relationship with them.

Rana Khan, a registered psychotherapist based in Toronto, says there are plenty of reasons why people fall into this habit. He says people often blame laziness or a lack of motivation when it comes to being late, but Khan says this often isn’t the problem.

READ MORE: How being late can be good for your health

“In fact, laziness and not being motivated is a response to the real culprit, which is avoidance,” he tells Global News. “Avoidance stems from fear. Fear is a powerful emotion and it is an emotion that is familiar to many of us.”

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When it impacts your relationships

Khan says if someone in your life is always late, communication is key.

“You could say, ‘I have been noticing that you’re often late, is there anything that I can do to help?’” he said. “Perhaps something is going on in their life which adds context to why they are always late.”

This person could be providing care for their family, struggling with their mental or physical health, or they have very little control over their own life and what happens.

“I think back to my own childhood and recognize how in my South Asian household it would take forever for me to leave the house because I would have to say bye to my grandparents, my parents — I would have to tell all of them where I was going, when I would be back, who I was going with … All such things were out of my control.”

READ MORE: Not washing hands after pooping is spreading E. coli ‘superbug,’ study says

Once you get to the root of why someone is always late (or what they could be avoiding or fearing), it will change the tone of the conversation.

“Your likelihood of doing any harm and being met with defensiveness decreases when you approach someone with care and compassion.”

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Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor emerita of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, tells Global News that when you don’t realize what being late can do to a relationship, it can hurt you both down the road.

“Even if your partner is understanding, the other people who expect you to be there on time will become irritated if not downright angry,” she said. “If you’re on the receiving end, you need to find a way to communicate to your partner how the lateness is causing problems.”

She recommends working with your partner to help him or her through some of those tips — yelling at them will not work.

How being late can be good for your health

How being late can be good for your health

Radhika Kowtha-Rao still remembers how she was treated when she was once late to pick up her child.

Her daughter was in a Girl Scouts program and right before she was going to leave to pick her up, Kowtha-Rao noticed her dog was missing from their home.

“It was November and dark, so I switched on lights and stepped out only to realize in panic that someone left the gate open and the [dog] took off,” she said. “I found him eventually, put him in and ran. I was late by 10 minutes.”

When she drove up, her daughter, her friend and her friend’s mother were still waiting outside. She apologized and explained to the mother why she was late.

“She walked up to my window and glared at me and hissed, ‘You are late and I do not appreciate that. This is very rude of you Radhika,’” she recalled. “I was hurt and sad, and to this day, though we exchange pleasantries at common places, she continues to be cold to me.”

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Can it be cultural?

There are some phrases like “Indian Time” or “Island Time” — ultimately, the idea that people from certain cultural backgrounds are more likely to be late.

In Kowtha-Rao’s experience as an Indian woman, it is not uncommon for people to be late.

“No one is expected to be on time. No one shows up on time,” she explained. “No one cares as much and it’s all one big loose structure.”

Of course, this is not to imply all South Asians are always late all the time or don’t get annoyed at others being late, but Krauss Whitbourne added that our own culture or upbringing can affect how we behave around time.

If you are used to being late to family gatherings or events, for example, and it is not looked down upon, it may be hard to understand why being late for a non-family gathering is a big deal.

“The problem arises when your own cultural, or sub-cultural, background doesn’t mesh with the norms of your workplace or even relationships,” she said.

How to break your late habit

Khan says being late all the time becomes a habit when you know there are no consequences for lateness.

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“If … you catch yourself feeling like you can get away with being late, you may be on track to formulating a habit,” he said.

To tackle this habit — if it is more than just being lazy — he says it is important to understand your fears.

“Often, what fear needs is more information, it needs clarity, and it needs some sort of control.”

READ MORE: 8 signs you’re in a toxic relationship — and how to get out

Identify why you’re always late, ask yourself how you can control the situation and monitor and evaluate how late you are when you have to meet others.

Krauss Whitbourne agrees, adding it is important to notice a pattern, but also to reward yourself when you are on time.

“Tell yourself the real time or date is earlier than what’s required and set reminders on your phone with plenty of advance notice,” she said.

Schedule realistic timelines for completion, whether it’s getting ready in the morning or finishing a big project, she added.

“Check actual drive times for getting to places a day ahead of an event to take rush hour into account when planning your route.”

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© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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4 mistakes people make on their resumé and how to avoid them – National

by BBG Hub

The first step to getting your dream job is crafting a killer resumé — one that’s clear, concise and demonstrates why you’re the best candidate.

But in an increasingly competitive job market, it’s tougher than ever to create a resumé that will make you stand out among hundreds of other applicants.

Career experts Maureen McCann of Promotion Career Solutions and Susan Murray, chief research officer at the Business Excellence Institute, have seen thousands of resumés between them.

Here, they explain the most common mistakes prospective employees make on their resumés and how to avoid them.

Esthetics matter

It might seem frivolous, but the way your resumé physically looks can say a lot about you as a candidate.

Your resumé should be organized, easy to read and easy to digest. For example, a disorganized resumé could inadvertently suggest that you’re a disorganized employee.

“You’re always demonstrating who you are… Make it really easy for them to pick you,” said McCann.

READ MORE: How to know if you should change careers or just change jobs

“I would say the most common mistake is that people use the template from Microsoft Word ’97, which is more than 20 years old now. That’s not to say you can’t use a template and then make changes to it, but from a visual perspective… you want to stand out in what is a very competitive job market.”

Murray prioritizes clean lines and easily identifiable figures.

“Have the numbers [to explain] what your current role is” and the difference you’ve made at your current company, said Murray.

Start with the most relevant information

Before you put together a resumé, thoroughly research the company you’re applying for.

“You’ve got to know them better than any of your competition,” said McCann. “Then, incorporate what you’ve learned into your reasoning.”

When you’re compiling your relevant skills and experience, do it strategically to avoid “a laundry list of things.”

WATCH: Money123 — What it takes to net high-paying jobs in Canada

“Say: ‘This is what I’ve done, and this is where it added value to the company,’” McCann said. “Put the headline at the front, otherwise you’re burying the lede.”

Typically, McCann recommends starting with a brief profile at the beginning, using relevant keywords and career highlights to draw the reader in.

“Grab their attention as quickly as possible, because they’re likely scanning through your resumé very quickly — they’ve got a lot of resumés to go through — so you want to make it really easy.”

Ditch flowery language and long paragraphs

Once you’ve determined your relevant skills and experience, convey them in a way that is straight to the point.

“Keep it in three to five bullets related to each role,” said Murray. “What does your LinkedIn say? What does your Twitter say? If you’re able to do it in a Twitter post, why can’t you do the same with a resumé?”

READ MORE: 28 per cent of men believe they could lose their job if they discuss mental health at work — study

She goes as far to say you can skip the objective.

“You’re already applying to the job so they know what your objective is,” Murray said.

This will vary from job to job, but for the most part, keeping it concise is key.

“There are certain cases where you do have to write paragraphs, like for a curriculum vitae, which is different than a resumé, but… for most jobs, bullet points will suffice,” said McCann.

WATCH: How to solve brainteasers when applying for a tech job

This also means removing the “hobbies” subtitle from your resumé.

“I think a resumé should professionally capture who and what you are right now,” said Murray.

Keep multiple resumés on hand and optimize them all for applicant tracking systems

Murray also recommends having multiple resumés in your rotation, depending on the kind of job to which you’re applying.

“If I’m applying for a research project, I have my more academic resumé versus my financial consulting job, [the resumé for which] is way more concise.”

READ MORE: 9 high paying entry-level jobs in demand in Canada now

More than 90 per cent of large companies use applicant tracking systems (ATS), which are algorithmic systems that analyze resumés to bring those of the most qualified applicants to the surface.

Unfortunately, if your resumé hasn’t been optimized for your specific role, it could fall through the cracks — even if you’re more than qualified for the position.

McCann recommends tools like Jobscan, which performs a cross-examination of your resumé and the job description to ensure your resumé is optimized to appear should the employer use an ATS.

Hire a professional

If all of this advice is overwhelming or you’re worried about landing the interview, you can always hire a professional to guide you through the process.

McCann recommends Career Professionals of Canada, a directory that you can use to source a resumé writer or career professional.


[email protected]

© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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Why some people are afraid of the dentist – National

by BBG Hub

Very few people enjoy going to the dentist, but for some, the sound of a dental drill is enough to send shivers down their spine.

Anywhere from 48 per cent to nearly 60 per cent of the population experiences a form dental anxiety or extreme dental fear, according to studies.

While incredibly common, there are different types of dental dread that range in severity. Dental fear is most often a specific fear, like a fear of drills or needles, explains Lisa J. Heaton, an assistant professor of oral health sciences at the University of Washington.

READ MORE: How to find and provide dental care for children with autism

“Somebody might sit down in the dental chair and feel pretty OK, but when they see the needle on the tray in front of them… they become very fearful and their heart starts to race,” Heaton told Global News.

Dental anxiety, on the other hand, is general unease about going to the dentist. For these people, even thinking about the dentist can make them anxious, and they may put off scheduling appointments.

Dental phobia is an extreme fear of visiting the dentist, and it affects around five to 10 per cent of U.S. adults, Heaton said.

READ MORE: What stress is doing to your oral health

“They will avoid dental care even when they really need it,” Heaton said. “[It’s a] fear that is so extreme and severe that it gets in the way of people living their lives.”

Why people are afraid of the dentist

Most people are afraid of pain, and the dentist can represent unpleasant experiences in a vulnerable part of our body: our mouth.

Heaton says that people feel anxious about the idea of drilling or needles, and anything that could cause them discomfort. Sitting in a chair and having someone work on their teeth can also feel like a loss of control.

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“A lot of patients are concerned about giving up that control and not being able to stop the procedure when they want to,” she said.

There are also factors that go beyond discomfort.

According to a 2014 study out of the U.K., common reasons why people have dental fear include their own traumatic experiences, as well as vicarious learning through the experiences that significant others, like their parents, have faced. Other reasons include portrayal in the media, as well as biological factors and personality traits.

Other research suggests that dental fear may be an aspect of other phobias or anxiety disorders, including social phobia, obsessive compulsive disorder (and a fear of germs), or panic disorder.

READ MORE: Three-quarters of older Canadians with hearing loss don’t know it: report

Research shows that fearing the dentist often begins in childhood. Heaton says that around 75 to 80 per cent of people with a fear of the dentist say they’ve felt that way for most of their lives.

“It’s very likely that something may have happened in childhood that has set them up to think that dentistry is scary,” she said.

When dental fear affects your health

Dental fear or phobia can have detrimental effects on oral health. Research shows that people who fear the dentist may be more inclined to avoid dental care, ultimately affecting their gums and teeth — which can become a vicious cycle.

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For people with moderate to high dental fear, one Australian study found that nearly 40 per cent avoided going to the dentist for treatments. In comparison, for people with no dental fear, only less than one per cent avoided appointments.

Heaton says this “cycle of avoidance” only reinforces the idea that the dentist is a scary and harmful place.

“Somebody will have a negative dental experience and so they’ll say, ‘I’m never going back to the dentist.’ And then as they avoid the dentist, they start having more problems; they’ll more have more infection or they’ll have teeth that break,” she explained.

“They’ll avoid until they have one of these dental emergencies… and by the time that happens, it requires a much more invasive and involved treatment, which then reinforces the idea that every time you go to the dentist it’s invasive and terrible.”

READ MORE: Reality check: Do you really need that metal wire in your mouth?

Going to the dentist and having routine check-ups is important for oral health and for overall well-being. Heaton says tooth problems not only affect what you can and cannot eat, but can have social and professional repercussions.

“[People] might not date and they might not go for jobs they would like to interview for because they are embarrassed about the state of their teeth,” she said.

How to overcome dental fear

If your dental fear is so extreme it’s affecting your health, it’s best to get professional help.

Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) can be an effective tool in overcoming dental fear, Heaton said. One British study found the therapy to be “an effective technique for helping dentally anxious patients receive treatment without sedation.”

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Heaton also recommends mindfulness exercises, like deep breathing.

It’s also important that dentists learn how to work with anxious patients, and create environments that feel safe. This can help people build positive experiences, and in turn, reduce the likelihood of dental phobia.

Lastly, finding a dentist you feel comfortable with is incredibly important. Heaton suggests making an appointment with a new dentist to just speak with them before sitting in the chair. That way, the first time you’re meeting them isn’t when you’re going in for a procedure.

When you’re at the dentist, let them know you have anxiety. This will help them be mindful of your fears. You can even develop a hand signal with them to be used if you need them to stop.

READ MORE: Reality check: Can flossing actually help prevent Alzheimer’s disease?

“Dental fear — and especially dental phobia — is not one of those things that goes away overnight, but it’s something that’s built on a trusting relationship with the dentist,” Heaton said.

“Sometimes it takes a few attempts to find a dentist that you really click with, but I encourage people to talk to as many dentists as they need until they find one they really feel comfortable with.”

[email protected]

© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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More people are giving CBD oil to their pets, but experts aren’t sure it’s safe – National

by BBG Hub

CBD oil, or cannabidiol, has become a popular cannabis product since legalization in October.

It lacks the psychoactive characteristics of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) — meaning it won’t get you high — and it can help with myriad health issues, including inflammation, arthritis and joint pain.

Now, some users want to see if the oil can offer similar benefits to their pets.

READ MORE: Pot for pets? Canadian veterinarians say it’s time

According to Dr. Scott Bainbridge, co-owner of Dundas West Animal Hospital in Toronto, there is little research on the topic — but what studies have been done suggest that CBD can have some positive effects for animals.

“I think it’s fair to say that… what works in medicine is usually applicable to animal medicine,” Bainbridge told Global News. “But we are talking about a different species… and the amount of receptors for CBD that a human has may vary from a dog or a cat.”

READ MORE: Vets to lobby MPs over extending medical cannabis laws to cats, dogs

‘We do need to do more research’

Hardly anything is known about how cannabis interacts with an animal’s brain. For this reason, Canadian veterinarians aren’t included in the Cannabis Act as practitioners who can prescribe cannabis products. In fact, there aren’t even any legal CBD products on the market for animals.

In Bainbridge’s view, a lot more research needs to happen before it can be safely incorporated into treatment plans.

“I can see potential for [treating] things like anxiety, arthritis or chronic pain… but we do need to do more research in the area,” he said.

WATCH BELOW: Puppy collapses after ingesting THC on morning walk

Two major studies have researched the effects of CBD on dogs.

A recent study out of Cornell University tested the treatment of arthritis in dogs with CBD, and found a significant decrease in pain, an increase in activity and no observable side effects.

Likewise, a study at Colorado State University from June assessed the efficacy of CBD when treating epilepsy in dogs. Results were similar: 89 per cent of dogs who received CBD had a reduction in the frequency of seizures.

READ MORE: Effects of weed may depend on area of brain it’s acting on: Western researchers

However, just 16 dogs participated in the clinical trial at Colorado State — a sample size which isn’t large enough to provide reliable evidence for the benefits of CBD on dogs with epilepsy.

“It’s kind of a dangerous gray area,” said Sam Hocker, assistant professor of medical oncology at the Ontario Veterinary College.

“We have a lot of people using it and very little evidence to tell us how it works in these different settings and what effect it has on the body.”

The Canadian Veterinary Medical Association’s stance

Currently, the Canadian Veterinary Medical Association (CVMA) doesn’t endorse the administration of cannabis — neither CBD or THC — to pets.

According to Dr. Enid Stiles, the vice president of the CVMA, this is due to the limited scope of research. However, more studies are underway now that marijuana is legal in Canada.

“We’ve been working judiciously in the past couple of years — ever since we knew legalization was coming — to determine what ways we might be able to help veterinarians,” Stiles told Global News.

WATCH BELOW: Industry experts: Education on cannabis edibles needed

“Health Canada is in the midst of doing research… but I think it’ll be a few more years before [veterinarians] are actually able to prescribe.”

In the meantime, Stiles is worried that the policy for cannabis and pets varies from province to province.

For example, the Ontario Veterinarian Medical Association (OVMA) has forbidden its members from even discussing the use of cannabis with patients.

READ MORE: Wait, There’s More podcast: How Canada’s legal weed can get you banned from the U.S.

“We can’t legally discuss it… we’re not allowed to make recommendations,” said Hocker. “What I tell patients when they bring it up is that we just don’t have a lot of evidence at this point to tell us its impacts or ill effects.”

This concerns Stiles because she believes pet owners will continue to give their pets CBD regardless of the law — and she thinks it would be safer if they could at least consult a veterinarian before doing so.

“As a practitioner, I would much rather have a conversation than a pet going home and somebody giving him or her a product that could be harmful,” she said.

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But I think that time is going to change that… It wouldn’t surprise me if the regulatory bodies were going to be changing [their stances] pretty shortly. Not being part of that conversation… there’s far more risk with that.”

In January 2018, the CVMA provided feedback to Health Canada on proposed changes under the Cannabis Act.

In it, the group argued that veterinarians should be included under the definition of “medical practitioner,’ which would grant them access to prescribe cannabis to their patients. The group also wrote that human cannabis products should have labelling that includes messages to protect the safety of animals.

If you still want to try giving your pet cannabis

Bainbridge’s first recommendation is to consult your veterinarian before administering anything. If you live in a jurisdiction where veterinarians aren’t allowed to offer advice about cannabis, proceed with extreme caution.

“You want to make sure you’re not dosing it too heavily,” said Bainbridge.

Consuming too much cannabis can cause excess sleepiness, depression, wobbling, pacing and agitation, as well as salivation and vomiting, among other symptoms.

READ MORE: How a weed conviction at 18 got a man banned at the U.S. border — 37 years later

However, these symptoms are caused more often by the consumption of THC rather than by CBD. Ensure that you haven’t left THC products in a place where your pet could reach and potentially consume it.

Should your pet need a new medication or surgery, be completely honest with your veterinarian about what you’ve given him or her. “There can be interactions between CBD and other drugs,” said Bainbridge.

Bainbridge, Hocker and Stiles all emphasize the need for harm reduction, at least until more is known about how cannabis interacts with animals.

READ MORE: Cannabis during pregnancy linked to higher risk of pre-term birth: study

“Probably one of the biggest concerns about CBD is that it comes from hemp… which is a weed,” Bainbridge said.

“You have to be really careful where it’s been planted because it sucks all the toxins out of the soil.”

Bainbridge is actually more worried about your dog consuming other toxins found in soil — like heavy metals — than he is about the CBD.

“There’s not a lot of regulation right now… At this point, I’m not comfortable recommending a product.”

— With files from Caley Bedore, Robyn Crawford and Simon Little

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© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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The people who make money tracking Kate Middleton, Meghan Markle’s wardrobe

by BBG Hub

From Meghan the Duchess of Sussex’s recent maternity clothing to Kate the Duchess of Cambridge’s love of L.K. Bennett wedges, the women continue to be trendsetters when it comes to their fashion choices. So much so that bloggers have made careers out of tracking who and what they wear.

Susan E. Kelley founded the website What Kate Wore in 2011, when Britain’s Prince William got engaged to marry Kate Middleton.

“I had another blog, and anytime I wrote about Kate, there was this huge boost in readership. And so I talked about it with my husband. I said, ‘You know, do you think people would really be interested in reading about what Kate Middleton wears?’”

READ MORE: Royal baby christening: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry won’t announce Archie’s godparents

The site really took off when the royal couple took a tour of Canada and the United States a few months after their wedding.

“She’s changing outfits multiple times a day, and people loved it. There was this enormous interest in it, and it exploded on Twitter and on Facebook and it kind of rolled on from there,” Kelley said during an interview at her home in Okemos, Michigan, near Lansing.

Christine Ross of Lovettsville, Virginia, is co-editor of a website that follows the Duchess of Sussex’s style, called Meghan’s Mirror. The site actually launched before Meghan started dating Prince Harry, because Ross’ co-editor, Amanda Dishaw of Toronto, was a fan of Markle’s TV series Suits.

WATCH: Wedding fashion in the Royal family

Once Harry and Meghan were spotted together in public, the actress’ profile went up. And so did visits to their site.

“When Meghan was seen at the Invictus Games with Prince Harry in Toronto, it just exploded, and all of a sudden it was like, ‘OK, this is serious. This is real. This is happening,’” said Ross.

“People were so interested in what she wore and the charities that she worked with and the messages that she was sending, and the site just really took off from there.”

So, how exactly do these bloggers figure out who the duchesses are wearing?

READ MORE: Kate Middleton makes rare public speech to raise awareness on addiction

Kelley says for official engagements, the Palace provides a minimal amount of information about the clothing worn.

“Kensington Palace will tell reporters at the scene the primary designer she’s wearing,” said Kelley, adding that the Palace doesn’t reveal who made Kate’s accessories.

But it also comes down to a study in repetition.

“Kate has designers that she goes to again and again,” Kelley said.

For Meghan’s Mirror, Ross says she and her team have studied fashion and will examine the Duchess of Sussex’s wardrobe down to the tiniest of details to get it right.

“Every time there’s a new picture of Meghan, whether it’s a paparazzi photo or an official event, there’s a mad rush to our computers, and we really just start Googling,” she said. “It comes down to a really unique knowledge of the brands that she loves. Meghan tends to stick to the same designers over and over again, and we sit down and analyze things like stitching or buttons. … We’ve become very good at (it) as we’ve learned more about her style.”

READ MORE: Meghan Markle, Prince Harry announce first royal tour ‘as family’

Ross says Meghan’s Mirror considers itself an ultimate resource for fashion info on Meghan, including an archive of anything she’s worn in public.

“We’ve worked really hard to curate our archives where you can find exactly what she’s worn and all the details about it, and you can also get mirror Meg styles at a fraction of the cost. So every time she steps out, we really work hard to add everything she’s wearing, from the earrings to the shoes to the jacket, all on to our archive so our readers can go on there, click and shop those styles.”

They also sell Meghan’s Mirror-inspired items, including jewelry on

What Kate Wore also links to clothing Kelley calls “repliKates,” shoppable items similar to something the Duchess of Cambridge has worn.

Tracking the duchesses can be time consuming, especially with the time difference from the U.S. and London. “There are a lot of very early mornings for me,” Kelley said. “But the real crunch comes when they go on tour, because multiple tours have been in time zones that were 12, 14, 16-hour time differences. I just know I’m not going to see my husband. We’ll pass each other in the hallway.”

All in all, it’s still fun work.

“We have readers in places where I never thought people would be interested,” Kelley said. “There’s like 200 countries who have read the blog.”

She’s also launched sister sites What Meghan Wore and What Kate’s Kids Wore .

— Rancilio reported from New York. Rudy Estrada in Washington, D.C., contributed.

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Acceptance rates of LGBTQ2 people declining among U.S. millennials: survey – National

by BBG Hub

A recent survey found young people in the United States are feeling less comfortable around LGBTQ2 people than they were last year.

According to researchers at the Harris Poll, who conducted the survey on behalf of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), this is the second year acceptance rates have dropped among people aged 18 to 34.

Now in its fifth iteration, the Accelerating Acceptance Index asked 1,970 adults a series of questions about LGBTQ2 people and measured their reactions.

READ MORE: Pride month: Honouring the LGBTQ2 community’s progress and recognizing the work still to be done

One example was, “How would you feel if you learned a family member is LGBTQ2?” Other questions were about how you would feel if your child was assigned to an LGBTQ2 teacher, or if you learned your doctor was LGBTQ2.

The survey found that, between 2018 and 2019, the same proportion of respondents (49 per cent) of non-LGBTQ2 adults felt “very” or “somewhat” comfortable in those situations.

However, the percentage of people aged 18 to 34 who say they felt comfortable in those situations fell from 53 per cent to 45 per cent.

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In a statement, GLAAD president Sarah Kate Ellis said that the first three years of the report showed “positive momentum” year over year, but that the pendulum has since begun to swing in the opposite direction.

“The younger generation has traditionally been thought of as a beacon of progressive values,” she said.

Ellis believes the results are in part due to the “sharp and quick rise in divisive rhetoric in politics and culture,” which she believes is having a “negative influence on younger Americans.”

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The report also found that the decline in acceptance rates was paired with a significant increase in LGBTQ2 respondents reporting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Ellis says that these trends indicate a rise of “hateful rhetoric” in American culture, and David Rayside agrees.

He’s a professor emeritus of political science at the University of Toronto and the former director of the Mark S. Bonham Centre of Sexual Diversity Studies, and he believes the Trump presidency is partly to blame.

READ MORE: Bisexual Sikh man ties colourful rainbow turban to celebrate Pride

“We have to think about the Trump Effect [and how it is] legitimizing anti-minority or anti-equality discourse,” Rayside said.

“That’s a factor that would not just affect LGBTQ2 issues but potentially others, too.”

‘The Trump Effect’

In Rayside’s view, Trump’s willingness to speak out against minority groups like the LGBTQ2 community has emboldened American citizens to voice their own discriminatory opinions.

In April, he banned transgender soldiers from the U.S. military, and in May, he announced plans for a new policy which would allow adoption agencies to deny adoption to LGBTQ2 couples on the basis of “religious exemptions.”

Most recently, he denied permission to U.S. embassies to fly the LGBTQ2 flag during the month of June, also known as Pride month.

READ MORE: Retailers celebrate (and capitalize) on LGBTQ2 Pride with rainbow items

“He makes it easier for people to say things that they might have been hesitant to say earlier on,” he said.

It doesn’t help that the Republican Party appears to support Trump’s discriminatory views, according to Rayside.

“It isn’t just Trump on his own,” he said. “It’s also the willingness of the Republican Party to embrace Trump’s approach to these issues.”

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As the Trump Effect is taking hold, so is an increased awareness about gender identity. Rayside says these two things, along with the ease with which information can be spread online, are creating the perfect storm.

“The spread of the internet… means that people who have resisted the move towards recognizing inequity and recognizing the marginalization of particular groups [can] find one another more readily than they did even five years ago,” he said.

What about Canada?

While there’s always the possibility that what happens in the U.S. spills over into Canada, Rayside doesn’t think the Trump Effect will have quite the same impact north of the border.

“I think it does embolden [Canadian people]… I think we saw an element of that in the election of Doug Ford as the premier of Ontario,” Rayside said. “But the pushback in public opinion is much sharper [here] than we’ve seen in the United States.”

READ MORE: Taylor Swift urges Republican senator to support LGBTQ2 rights

Rayside recalls when the Harper government proposed a ban on the wearing of niqabs by anyone dealing with or working for the federal government prior to the 2015 federal election.

“[Harper] was playing on anti-Muslim sentiment. On one hand, it emboldened people to [do the same].” On the other, Rayside thinks it could have been what cost them the election.

Roza Nozari feels differently. She’s the anti-violence initiatives co-ordinator at The 519, an LGBTQ2 community centre in Toronto’s Village neighbourhood.

WATCH BELOW: Canada expanding cap on LGBTQ2 refugee sponsorship program

“We are not surprised by the results [of the survey],” she said. “This is absolutely happening in Canada.”

Nozari says LGBTQ2 people continue to experience disproportionately higher rates of violence in Canada, and there are numbers to prove it.

A recent survey by Statistics Canada found that for every 1,000 straight Canadians, 69 reported they had been the victim of either sexual assault, physical assault or robbery.

READ MORE: Pride Toronto apologizes for land acknowledgement that omitted Indigenous communities 

That number jumps to 142 for lesbian and gay Canadians and skyrockets to 267 for bisexual Canadians.

Similarly, police-reported hate crimes targeting sexual orientation rose 16 per cent in 2017.

How to promote LGBTQ2 acceptance

Though it may not be as bad as the United States, Canada still has a lot of work to do in terms of becoming a truly accepting country for LGBTQ2 people, advocates say.

For the team at The 519, education and training is crucial.

“Not just if an incident happens and you do a two-hour training, but real education and training with real dialogue and a real intention to change,” said Soofia Mahmood, the centre’s director of strategic communications and executive planning. 

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The 519 offers training on sexual and gender diversity and inclusive policy to businesses of all sizes. Topics range from LGBTQ2 language to systemic discrimination and how to provide inclusive services.

It can be as simple as searching for educational materials online or visiting a local community centre with an LGBTQ2 focus.

“Find out more that challenges your own belief system and then share that, whether that’s with your neighbour or with your child,” said Mahmood.

READ MORE: Pilot project offers option for LGBTQ2 students to live together at U of S

“I’m a newcomer here and I have a 13-year-old… I have learned many things through my work here that I go home excitedly and tell my daughter so she can then share that with her friends. And it’s working — now she’s able to call out homophobia.”

Ultimately, though, Mahmood believes change needs to come from the top.

“Leaders have to engage in meaningful dialogue… whether it’s leadership from an organization, a community, a province or a country,” she said.

“For leaders who don’t have awareness of what it means [to be LGBTQ2], I would invite them to come talk to us and we can reflect together. We can share lived experiences and we can make this world a little better for everyone.”

— With files from Colton Praill

[email protected]

© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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‘I never want to forget them’: Memorial tattoos help people cope with loss, grief – National

by BBG Hub

The passing of a loved one can be utterly devastating. Grief is all-encompassing, and for some, it never really goes away.

Tattoos present a unique way to cope with the grief.

“Memorial tattoos help continue bonds with the deceased,” said Deborah Davidson.

She works as a professor of sociology at York University, and she’s the creator of The Tattoo Project.

READ MORE: More names to be added to singer’s tattoo tribute to suicidal youth

“Tattoos can be understood as a form of public storytelling,” said Davidson. “Stories help us make sense and meaning out of things that happened to us.”

When placed in a spot where other people can see it — as most are — a memorial tattoo is often an intentional conversation-starter.

“People fear their loved one will be forgotten… not by themselves, but by others,” Davidson said.

“[Tattoos] open that dialogue so you can talk about what your tattoo means and remember the person you lost that way.”

READ MORE: How to talk to your kids about the death of a loved one

Some memorial tattoos have a beginning and an end date, making it obvious that it represents a life that has come to an end. However, in Davidson’s experience, most memorial tattoos are more inconspicuous.

“The stories associated with lots of these tattoos are not sad stories. People want to remember their loved ones and have happy memories of them,” she said.

The permanence of body tattoos can also have a comforting quality for someone dealing with tragic loss.

WATCH BELOW: Building up resilience to grief helps prepare for life’s losses

“They’re permanent, so their loved one and their story and their memory will be with you forever,” said Davidson.  “[Tattoos] help incorporate loss into the lives of the bereaved in meaningful ways.”

In a lot of cases, grief is also a permanent fixture in the life of the bereaved.

“There are no five stages of grief,” Davidson said. “A main complaint of people that are grieving is that they’re expected to get over it [after] a certain amount of time, but it doesn’t work that way.”

Eunice Gorman, a professor at King’s University College, agrees. She’s an expert in grief and bereavement.

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“[Grief] affects everybody differently. Most people will manage to kind of bungle their way through grief… but we know that some people really struggle.”

That’s why some people turn to tattoos as a coping mechanism, of which there are many.

“Coping mechanisms are as unique as the people who are grieving,” said Gorman.

WATCH BELOW: Kingston man pays tribute to Humboldt tragedy with tattoo

Some people will go to support groups, some will read, some will exercise. Whatever a person chooses, coping mechanisms are crucial to surviving after loss.

“People often get tattoos because it’s a remembrance for other people… It’s a way to link them to the person that they loved,” she said. “For other people, it’s kind of a touchstone. They can look at it or they can touch it and they can be brought back to remembering them.”

Courtesy: Alyssa Davies

Alyssa Davies from Calgary, Alta.

“My grandpa hadn’t been doing well and was in the hospital for months. During that time, my grandma was so focused on my grandpa getting well that she didn’t take care of herself and ended up unexpectedly passing away first. My grandpa then passed away a few months later… It was a tough year for our family — particularly my mom.

“My grandpa was an avid gardener and had won many gardening awards in Calgary in his retirement. My grandma and I shared a love for poetry and passed along a book of poems by Robert Frost. I got the butterflies to commemorate my grandpa’s love for gardening and as a nod to my grandma, as Robert Frost’s first published poem was My Butterfly.

“I like to think that whenever a butterfly is near or flying by that it’s either of them saying hello — which probably sounds crazy, but it makes me feel good.

“These tattoos were a great way to commemorate two people who had a massive impact on my life when I was younger. I think tattoos are a form of artwork, and for those of us who aren’t as creative with a pen and paper, artwork that allows us to see the people we’ll always love come to life again.

“I got a lot of tattoos when I was younger that I certainly regret now, but this isn’t one of them. It’s so 2000s and it’s faded and it’s the ‘basic’ butterfly tattoo that a million girls probably have but it still makes me smile and it still brings me joy every single time I look at it… Sometimes we forget memories and people, but I never want to forget them.”

Courtesy: Rob Marshall

Rob Marshall from Toronto, Ont. 

“I got my first tattoo in 2016, five months after my mom passed away following her two-year battle with ALS. While she was sick, I stumbled across this picture online, teared up, and made it my phone background. Something in the way the mother lion was embracing her child — almost enveloping it — made me think of my mom.

“My mom is the reason for all the kindest, most loving parts of myself. She was a constant source of light and love. So to see her suffer as her ALS progressed was the most difficult emotional experience I’ve ever been through. For over a year, this picture on my phone helped me ground my thoughts.

“When my mind fixated on the terrible images of her fading health and suffering, this image was a shortcut to think of everything she meant to me instead.

“I’d look at it and think of her smile, her hugs, the way she’d snort when she laughed hard enough (and immediately turn red in embarrassment), the way she loved without question, without pause, and with her whole heart. After she passed, I decided to get that comforting image tattooed on my forearm as a way to remember her, and to keep those positive thoughts and feelings at the ready.

“It’s there when I miss her, when I think of those difficult times when she was sick, when I’m having a good day that I wish I could share with her. I carry her with me everywhere, every day, just as I carry those best parts of myself that she instilled in me.”

Courtesy: Kathy Kenzora

Kathy Kenzora from Mississauga, Ont.

“I have a ‘dad’ banner tattoo on the inside of my right wrist… I got it in June 2018 in honour of my dad, Bob Kenzora, who died on March 30, 2018. He died following a long battle with Parkinson’s disease. He was 77 years old.

“My dad had a ‘mother’ banner tattoo on his left forearm that he got in his 20s while working as a lumberjack in British Columbia. To me, it was always a symbol of his strength and his sense of humour. He used to joke that he got it so that his mom wouldn’t be mad at him when he came back to Ontario.

“After he died, the nurses at the hospital gave us some time to say our final goodbyes. It felt impossible to leave him there.

“Before I could go, I felt like I needed another way to remember him, so I took a picture of the tattoo on his arm and promised myself I would get one just like it.

“My dad was my hero and my idol. My tattoo gives me so much joy because it feels like a piece of him will be with me always. I love my tattoo and I know my dad would have loved it too.”

[email protected]

© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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Snapchat’s gender-swapping filter has transgender people conflicted – National

by BBG Hub

Hit a button and you’re “transformed” into a woman. The beard disappears. The face and jaw smooth out. The hair floats jauntily around the shoulders.

“Yo this is SPOT ON my mom.” “Pretty.” “Are you in a sorority?”

A swipe and another click. Suddenly, you’re a square-jawed man, heavy of brow, sporting five o’clock shadow.

“I look like my brother Jay.” “Hahahaha Suzie I’m dyingggg.” “My sisters were like, ‘um… strange. You’re kinda hot’ haha.”

Bailey Coffman in New York.

AP/Mary Altaffer

The gender-bending selfies accompanied by flippant or sarcastic comments are flooding social feeds since Snapchat introduced a filter this month allowing users to swap gender appearances with the tap of a finger. But for many people who have longed for a button that would change them in real life, the portrait parade isn’t a game.

“My gender’s not a costume,” said Bailey Coffman, a 31-year-old transgender woman from New York. “This (is a) story that I feel is very real. I lost a lot to be who I am and I fought really hard for the body that I’m in.”

WATCH: Instagram is testing out a feature that hides likes

“And when certain people post it and write about how silly it is and how goofy they look with this filter,” she said, “it makes light of the transgender experience.”

Others, though, see possibility in the pastime.

Some argue that the filter, which Snapchat calls a “lens,” could be a therapeutic tool that leads to self-discovery and even helps ease the transition of people struggling with gender identity once they see who they could become.

Savannah Daniels in Baltimore.

AP/Mike Stewart

“There are people who haven’t found themselves yet, and this is a great way to say: ‘This is really affirming for me’ and to take that next step,’” said Savannah Daniels, 32, a military veteran living in Baltimore, Md.

Daniels says she realized she identified as female after watching episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race while serving in Afghanistan as a chaplain’s assistant in the U.S. navy.

Snapchat is not the first face-altering app with such a feature; FaceApp, for instance, has had one for years. But users of the Snapchat filter, unveiled the second week of May, have noted its high quality. And, of course, the very popularity of Snapchat amplifies the feature further.

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Snapchat’s maker, Snap Inc., which has drawn criticism for a Bob Marley filter some likened to blackface and another that overlaid stereotypically Asian features on users’ photos, commented about its filter in an emailed statement.

“We understand that identity is deeply personal,” the company said. “As we have and continue to explore the possibilities of this technology, our lens design team is working … to ensure that on the whole, these lenses are diverse and inclusive by providing a wide range of transformative effects.”

READ MORE: 5 Canadians on what social media is doing to their mental health

Jessie Daniels (no relation to Savannah Daniels), a City University of New York professor and an expert in digital sociology, says that for people unfamiliar with the concept of gender as fluid — not innate and not binary; that is, not strictly male or female — such filters can be both radical and transformative.

“They get a chance to play with gender in a way that many of us who are LGBTQ have played with gender our whole lifetimes and understand the social construct part of it,” she said.

That could be meaningful for youths reckoning with gender identity or, she says, just for putting the notion of gender fluidity on youngsters’ radar. A survey last year by Common Sense Media found that 44 per cent of teenagers use Snapchat as their primary social app.

“I do hope this does help some people better recognize their gender,” says Elliott “Ellie” Wheeler, a 16-year-old sophomore at Michigan’s East Lansing High School who, combining the words female and butch, identifies as a “futch” lesbian.

READ MORE: Instagram wants to hide ‘likes.’ Here’s what influencers think about that

Because most of her social media contact comes with trans people, she says, she hasn’t seen much use of the Snapchat filter. But she also doesn’t hold the company responsible for any controversy.

CUNY’s Daniels, though, wonders whether the filter is an attempt by Snapchat, which has struggled against competition from Facebook and Instagram, to win back market share. Snap Inc. did not respond specifically to questions about its business strategy, saying in its email only that “we regularly experiment with new technologies and features as part of our mission to empower self-expression.”

For people who are finding the fun in the game, Savannah Daniels urges them not to enjoy it and then simply dismiss “actual living beings that are trans.” She reminded people of that Saturday with a tweet under her moniker, “Miss Clean Legs,” that went viral.

“These new Snapchat filters got y’all out here having fun with gender roles, joking about sex with your homeboys, and sporting beards with lashes,” Daniels tweeted.

“All we ask is that you keep that same energy when you interact with actual transgender and non-binary ppl.”

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NYC restaurateur apologizes after suggesting Chinese food makes people ‘bloated and icky’ – National

by BBG Hub

A New York City restaurant owner who touted her “clean” American-Chinese cuisine and derided Chinese dishes as swimming in “globs of processed butter,” sodium, and MSG is renewing the long-simmering debate about stereotyping and cultural appropriation in the restaurant world.

Arielle Haspel, the owner of Lucky Lee’s and who is white and a certified health coach, told the dining website Eater that she wanted to offer modified, “clean” versions of typical Chinese menu items. In a now-deleted Instagram post, Haspel said that a Chinese noodle dish, lo mein, can make people feel “bloated and icky.”

Online critics pounced, including New York Baohaus restaurateur and author Eddie Huang who dismissed Lucky Lee’s as “the Fyre Fest of food & ‘wellness,’” on the restaurant’s Instagram page.

Haspel has since apologized, but her comments are the latest misstep in a succession of restaurateurs and TV chefs who have been criticized for insensitivity when dealing with food from a culture that’s not their own.

Robert Ku, a professor of Asian American studies and food studies at Binghamton University in New York State, said Haspel came off as relying on age-old stereotypes of Chinese food being unsanitary or grotesque. It was especially tone-deaf in New York City where most locals regularly eat Chinese food, he added.

“These are long-standing tropes that have followed specifically Chinese food more than any other cuisine,” said Ku, who has written about the cultural politics of Asian food in the U.S. “What she’s focused on is health and being clean, which implies the others were not.”

WATCH: What is cultural appropriation

He also said it’s a myth that Chinese-American restaurants use MSG. Most cut it out of their kitchens in the 1970s because it was so unpopular, making Haspel’s reference problematic, Ku said.

Haspel was apologetic in an interview Friday with the New York Times.

“We were never trying to do something against the Chinese community. We thought we were complementing an incredibly important cuisine, in a way that would cater to people that had certain dietary requirements,” she said. “Shame on us for not being smarter about cultural sensitivities.”

She previously acknowledged the uproar via Instagram and promised to listen and reflect on people’s comments.

She did not return messages from the AP seeking comment.

White TV chefs like Andrew Zimmern and Gordon Ramsay have been skewered for their respective Asian restaurants (both of which also use the adjective “lucky” in their name).

Zimmern, last year, said in an interview that his Lucky Cricket restaurant in Minnesota was saving the souls of people who dine at ”(expletive) restaurants masquerading as Chinese food” in the Midwest. The Bizarre Foods host later apologized.

Ramsay, who is British, is opening the Japanese-inspired Lucky Cat restaurant in London this summer. In a press release in February, the Kitchen Nightmares star promised a restaurant that would be “revolutionary” and “authentic,” but many noted the lack of Asians in key executive positions.

On the flip side, there are chefs who have earned reputations as visionaries for mixing cuisines. Chef Roy Choi elevated the food truck when his Kogi BBQ hit the streets of Los Angeles in 2008. Choi combined his Korean roots with tortillas and came up with mouth-watering munchies like Korean short rib tacos.

Being against cultural appropriation doesn’t necessarily mean being against anyone cooking outside of their own ethnicity or culture, said Ku, the professor. It’s the line between appropriation and appreciation where things can get tenuous.

“What people are reacting to is saying ‘For generations, Chinese in America were doing stuff but they did it horribly. As a white person, I can do it better,’” Ku said.

New York restaurateur Stratis Morfogen, who is of Greek descent, doesn’t worry about the cultural appropriation accusations against his steakhouse for its Chinese-inspired items.

Brooklyn Chop House, which opened last fall, offers cheeseburgers, pastrami and French onion soup encapsulated in Chinese-dumpling form. Morfogen is collaborating with singer Patti LaBelle to bring the dumplings to frozen food aisles later this year, packaged in reusable bamboo steamers.

“If people didn’t move forward or innovate or create and fuse different cultures together, the culinary landscape would be pretty boring,” Morfogen said.

Morfogen employs more than 15 chefs from China across his restaurants and a Chinese chef is also one of his partners. He thinks restaurant owners worried about inadvertently stereotyping just need to think twice before they speak.

“I really believe that those words are insensitive and it hurts people,” Morfogen said. “I don’t think that is what food is meant to be. I think food is meant to bring all the cultures together and respect each other.”

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‘We’re perpetuating our own suffering’: Why some people can’t let go of family grudges – National

by BBG Hub

Holding a grudge is one thing, but it can feel even more personal when it involves someone in the family.

Psychotherapist and author Nancy Colier of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World, told Global News when it comes to family, it’s often impossible to just walk away.

We have a sense that we should be able to figure this out with family because of that blood bond,” she said. “Also because family can be incredibly involved in many areas of our life,” adding when we get into a complex situation, it can get tricky to work around it.

READ MORE: ‘I have no regrets’: What it’s like to be estranged from family

A grudge is a form of grievance she added, something that often causes pain. And when you hold one against a family member, it can root back to experiences in the past, ones you live over and over again if you continue seeing this family member.

“You’ve been treated wrong,” she explained, adding that people who hold grudges feel disrespected and humiliated.

Imagine seeing the same person at a wedding, anniversary or over the holidays. While you may not be estranged, it’s the repetitiveness of that person in your life that makes it more difficult to have a healthy relationship.

“With that [the idea] that I have not received empathy or an apology or the sense that the other person feels sorry having hurt me, that’s the piece that’s almost always missing in a grudge, ‘how could they have done this to me?’”

Common grudge holders

When it comes to holding grudges within the family, Colier said it’s not that one group of people hold more grudges than the other. It often depends on the situation, but in her work, she has seen more people holding grudges against their parents. She said in this scenario, it becomes a cycle of “what ifs.”

“‘If only I had a parent that respected me or supported my interest in guitar and what have you, then I can be this,’” she explained. “And we can waste our whole lives with this thinking.”

READ MORE: Choosing your own family members can be life-saving. Here’s why these Canadians did it.

When you hold onto this type of grudge, it can interfere with how you live your own life.

“Sometimes grudges can be used in a very unhealthy way to keep people from taking responsibility of their own lives.”

But is it ever OK to hold on to a grudge forever? Colier said with grudges, in particular, people love using words like “let go” or “hold on” or “forgive and forget” without actually understanding what these words mean.

“People believe that it means, ‘it didn’t hurt me anymore,’” she said. “What we’re saying is we’re going to keep our energy and focus off the one who wronged us.”

On the other end of the drama

On the flip-side, if someone is holding a grudge against you, as New York City-based psychotherapist F. Diane Barth previously wrote, start by apologizing.

“If you actually did something wrong, take responsibility, acknowledge that you made a mistake, and do what you can to rectify it,” she wrote.

“If you do not think that you did anything wrong, but you know that the other person believes that you did, let them know that you understand that they have a different perspective than you do and that you had no intention of creating the problem that you and they are now facing.”

How to let go of a grudge

Colier said if you are working on letting go of grudges within your family, the approach and outcome isn’t always guaranteed.

When we keep holding onto a grudge within the family, what we’re really doing is “perpetuating our own suffering,” Colier said.

To me, to let go of a grudge means that we’re going to actually connect with, ‘what got hurt by that other person?’” she explained. “We cling to that hurt and that wound in a way that the other person was not going through.” It starts with communicating the issue at hand.

Have you actually approached that person and explained your side of the story? Does this family member even know why you are holding a grudge? These are things to consider looking outside the box, she added, and sometimes this means letting go of your ego.

READ MORE: Woman opens Christmas gift she gave to boyfriend when she dumped him in 1971

Next, practice mindfulness — you may not get the answer or understanding that you want. When you are in the company of that person, you need to be mindful of your own actions and behaviours around other family members.

“Pay attention to what is wounded here and what happened with that other person,” she said. “And then we ask different kinds of questions like, ‘who would I be if I let go of that grudge?’… we’re so entrenched [in the problem].”

The next thing is to ask yourself what would happen if you drop the grudge altogether.

“What am I really risking if I drop it?… because that is a choice,” she said. “Who would I be if I didn’t have this in my identity? Every time the thought comes up to the retell grudge, we just say ‘no.’ I’m not going to feed that toxicity in my own mind.”

[email protected]

© 2019 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.

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